Echo Location

A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the cave’s roof to get some sleep. Soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it. He told them to shut up and let him get some sleep, but they persisted until he finally gave in.

“OK, follow me.”

Down through a valley they flew, across a river and into a forest of trees. Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him, licking their lips.

“Do you see that tree over there?”

“YES, YES, YES!!” the bats all screamed in a frenzy.

“Well…I didn’t!”

Polly Want A Cracker

This lady approaches a priest and tells him, “Father, I have a problem. I have these two talking female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing.

“What do they say?”, the priest asked.

They only know how to say, “Hi, we are prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?”

“That’s terrible!”, the priest exclaimed, “But I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two talking female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots who I have taught to pray and read the Bible, then my parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to pray and worship.

“Thank you.” said the lady.

So the next day, the lady brings her female parrots to the priest’s house. The priest’s two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her female talking parrots in with the male talking parrots and the female parrots say, “Hi, we are prostitutes! Do you want to have some Fun?”

One male parrot looks over to the other male parrot and screams,
“Hallelujah, Frank! Put the bibles away — our prayers have been answered!”